there were people looking for me. the police were involved. there was a reward for me, dead or alive. it was for something i didn't know would make me a fugitive, reading a book i wasn't supposed to read or something. the posted a sign on my front door, saying there was a 1000 dollar reward for catching me (it was a poor neighborhood). they didn't know i was still in the house, because every time they came, i hid in the top part of my closet. but one day about 50 people came in my house with rifles and they saw me in the closet and pointed them at me. the jig was up.

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i was at an amusement park with my grandmother. i was wondering what ride she could go on that wouldn't be to scary for her. i figured i shouldn't take her on any, because she was really old and senile.

-------------------------------

we drove through a town. we were looking for a certain building. the first part of the town was crowded with shitty looking houses but we didn't see any people. as we were nearing the normal part of town, we saw two people lying on the ground, right next to the road. they were dead. there was a baby nearby. i tried to call 911 but the call wouldn't go through. i tried to call 411 to find out the emergency number, but they told us a cult leader had instructed the cult members to kill themselves the night before. we wondered if we should take the baby with us.

i walked through a town and into the giant boat. it was like a coast guard boat. they said we had to pick a bunk before lights out, but the one i went into had two strangers in it so i went out, and the lights went out. i couldn't find anyone.

i started cutting my hair in the bathroom using a knife. it was an insanely sharp knife, it cut through the hair so easy. i walked out all proud of myself and i said to someone "look! i cut my own hair, with a knife." and they said "yeah, i can tell. it looks gross."

i was heartbroken.

i killed 6 people, but they caught me. jian gomeshi was doing the lie detector test. i thought i might be able to get away with it, since no one actually suspected me. we were near mt. sinai. i wondered if a priest could forgive me, or if he'd just call the cops and tell them what i had done.

this crazy cougar-ish lady kept showing up at the office. she was the most obnoxious person i had ever come across before in my life, and she refused to leave. i finally figured out she was only coming to the office to steal music paraphernalia (there was a guy who worked there who collected old rock and roll stuff).

i called the police on her, but they were on vacation. they would only come out if the situation was threatening to someone's life. they listened to me bemusedly and then asked "and does this sound to you as if someone's life is in danger? well, then you can figure it out for yourself." i was filled with frustration. i saw her grab a bunch of lanyard festival passes off of the wall of an office.

i wanted to punch her in the face, but she was a wiry old cougar. i had plans of blowing up the office building just so i could kill her.

something about a big old rambling house, and a fun mission we were about to embark on outside in the cold crisp air. i was singing celine dion's song from titanic and "one fine day" by mariah carey and boyz 2 men as a lark. it was really fun and lighthearted.

i went to see a crazy concert in a giant building. randy curnew from c'mon was there with some of his crazy friends. i was just about to leave when i saw mike o set up to play. i went and sat as close to the front as i possibly could. i accidentally unplugged his monitor. i was embarrassed at myself for acting so familiar, when in fact we'd only barely met. but it was all ok when he started playing one of my songs in his own awesome style. i felt like i was floating above the ground.

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the band was playing in china. ian told me carmen was going to come and sing with us, so i decided to quit the band and go travelling in japan. morgan walked me to the airport. i realized when i got to the airport that i didn't have my passport with me. i was going to sit there and wait until they made me a new one.

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i thought i might be pregnant. i kept throwing up in the bushes. but the pregnancy test was too vague, it was like "light purple if you're pregnant, dark purple if you're not". i couldn't tell if it was light or dark purple. i thought it was a pretty stupid test.

my mom and i stood on the beach, watching the big waves break. i loved the moment when they curled over and turned white, and the perfect arc broke into foamy clouds. we waded out, felt the strong push as they hit our stomachs, and the pull on our legs, sinking our feet into the sand.

the waves kept growing bigger and bigger, almost knocking us over, so we walked closer and closer to shore. soon the waves were taller than a person, and we were intimidated. they rose up, and cast long shadows on the shore.

the first one to go was christina from grey's anatomy. she was standing on a car in the middle of the beach. she was the only one out so far. she thought she was tough, thought she would dare the waves, but she wasn't looking behind her. she didn't see how high it towered up. it was as big as a house. it had a frightening power. like a solid wall. it moved so quickly toward her, we didn't even see her disappear. we knew she'd get caught in the swirling undertow.

the next wave came from very far away. all of the water sucked back from the beach. it soared up into the sky, higher than a skyscraper, blocking out the sunlight.
my mom and i started to run, we had to get off the beach onto higher ground. i was trying to figure out where to go, would the buildings fall down? should we try to go on a roof? on foot there were not too many options of escape.

even with this terrifying wave, i scanned the top, needing to see the moment it turned white and started to break.

we had a bit of time, so we were rifling through our belongings in our dresser. i tried to put on as many layers of clothing as i could. i knew this place would be under water if i ever came back. my dad put on his raingear, and i put on thermal socks. it was freezing.

i was on the road, somewhere, and i found that someone had read my journal. they left a little note in it, i didn't recognize the handwriting. it wasn't such a big deal, because there was nothing in it, but the fact they did it and were so mean about it was totally unnerving. i was too upset to do anything, so i asked albert to drive me home. morgan was in the car too, and he and jenna found what happened really funny. it broke my heart, and i felt sick to my stomach. we stopped at a light and melissa was outside of the car, leaning in and asking albert if he had a cigarette lighter. she smiled at me mockingly.

when i got home, i thought i would hide my journal away, planned to lock it in a locked box. but when i got home, i found that the box was open, and all my other journals were scattered about, and the lock was missing. that was insane, this person broke into my house to get to my stuff. i looked in the diaries, and there were notes for me there too, detailing horrible things i've done, calling me a horrible person, saying i deserved to be miserable. just brutal stuff. they even started to get more violent and threatening.

it was a terrible nightmare.

i was going to jam with mike o'neill at his house, which was on taylor street. which was for some reason really long. we drove up and down the street, unable to find his house, even though i'd been there before. finally, i saw him in the window. all the houses looked exactly the same except one, which was white with faint purple speckles, or polka dots, and of course this was the one he lived in.

when i got there i brought way too much gear inside, 2 guitars, 2 amps, and i accidentally brought the left-handed banjo in with me. there was a party going on downstairs, but we were going to jam up the stairs and on the landing in front of the second floor.

mike came down to the living room as i was bringing some more stuff in, and said he wasn't able to jam after all, but that i should enjoy the party. some people were playing guitars, one guy played a song that jack macintosh had written. it had beautiful chords and weird lyrics. i realized that lachie was there, and i was so excited. he had gotten a haircut, and was totally clean shaven and looked really young. he was there with rachael gurstein. i asked lachie if we could jam, and he said he didn't know any of my songs, but i had meant we should jam horses songs.

henry from the show ugly betty was there with his girlfriend. she was this pig nosed lady who always comes in my store to buy papers while reeking of pot. she didn't like me at all, every time i would knock something over or something like that she would yell out "alicia's knocking over your things on purpose. everyone keep an eye on her, she's up to no good!"

later henry and i were watching a movie in my spare room, and i realized he had put his hand in my sweater pocket, so we were holding hands through my sweater.
and that was the end.

i was making myself some toast when i noticed right next to the toaster a package of toast-flavored french fries.

we were at a restaurant, and for some reason i ordered a hot dog, on a subway bun with just mayonnaise (and lots of it.) it was one of the grossest things i had ever tasted.
i also stole a plane.

a terrifying nightmare:

something had broken into the house and ripped open my friend's mom's body. i walked in and she was white, her stomach was gaping, blood spattered all over the room. i was paralyzed with fear, unable to breathe.

at first i thought it was some kind of paranormal beast or spirit. that is the kind of thing i can't deal with.

but later i realized there had been a strange cube shaped object in the room. the same object that was now in the room with the three of us. we figured out that it could give off high pitched frequencies that were capable of doing any number of bad things to a person. as we talked it over, looking fearfully at the object, a switch flipped over and it started to tick.

i ran for the door, followed by the other two. after i crossed the threshold, they stopped running after me. i was sure they knew how important it was to get as far away from this thing as possible. i looked back to urge them to hurry, and they were not in the room, and there was no other exit besides the door i was standing in front of. i felt like i was going to throw up.

first, there were a bunch of people in my backyard, performing some sort of ceremony. i don't know what it was, but it reeked of reality tv. all i remember is holding hands and kissing someone. his hands and lips were very dry, and it was awkward but i really liked him.

then we were traveling home from somewhere not that far away. we really needed to stop for a bathroom break so we did. for some reason you had to walk through a great big mall to get to the gas station with the bathrooms. the mall seemed to go on forever, it was all hippy textile stores with hand made hats and things. sidney was there and she was so excited because of all of the wool stores.
finally we got through to the other side, and we noticed right away that there was a lineup of like 100 people waiting to get in to the gas station, because all of the bathrooms were broken except one. notwithstanding how disgusting that one bathroom would be by the time we reached it, we just couldn't wait that long.

we went across the street to see if a different store had a b-room. it didn't look too promising. but then a big fat local asshole who was sitting there started insulting me. i was in such a bad mood i started screaming right back at him, and before you know it, it was a full blown physical fight. all of my punches and kicks were less forceful than i expected them to be, but i still think i managed to hold my own. all i wanted in life was to hurt this guy.
after the fight he and his two friends came over with their pants down, and acting all macho, said "see this honey?" and i said "NO, I CAN'T ACTUALLY, YOU'RE TOO FAT!" and then they went away. haha.

we ended up in the shop, which was selling food, and i couldn't hear at all out of one ear, because he had punched me. i could feel blood trickling down my ear, but i covered it up with my hair because i felt cool from being in a fight and didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me.
in the store, waiting for the food to be ready, i was sitting next to the boy again from the first part, and he awkwardly and slowly took my hand again. it felt just the same - very dry. but then he turned into someone else, and he made a comment about how MY hands are dry, but he was going to get some of this awesome hand cream and make them very soft.

if we went to level 7 of the parking garage, it was an archaeological site. set up like a mine. we got in trouble because when everyone goes in the parking garage they have to sign in, and we didn't sign out because we were sneaking onto level 7 so people thought we had disappeared.

a new sport was happening in certain places in the world. it was called 'rolling'. certain beaches had rock structures under water that affected huge waves in a certain way. once the waves formed a tunnel, they sucked underwater and created an inverse wave. people were surfing in these incredibly dangerous phenomena.
i was telling someone about it on my cell phone, while driving along the crest of a wave in an SUV (as long as you drive really fast, the waves were so compact you could drive on them. you just had to be careful not to fall in the hole).

later, the band was staying in a cabin-like hotel. we were too loud so someone called the cops. darren and albert went outside to deal with it.
then we were in a mall, and we saw a book about what had happened written by a french guest of the hotel. it was typed out in a french accent, like "zen we were in zee 'otel". it told the story about the female cop beating darren up outside of the hotel. i couldn't believe someone could make a book and have it on the shelves in like 2 weeks.

we were playing at a big festival.

i was with shane selling t-shirts in this little shack.

after a while, i realized i could hear the band playing. as i went on stage i tried to pretend i was late getting there on purpose, for effect, but i could tell they were sort of pissed at me. (no one came to tell me we were playing. they all knew i was selling t-shirts)

the show was pretty terrible, we were getting cut off way too early. the next band was on the stage as we were playing, setting up their stuff. one guy walked by me and i yelled at him to get off the stage because i thought it was darryl. but it was actually the drummer for the other band. i was embarrassed but i don't know why.

for some reason it was so quiet on the stage that i could hear people talking, so i told the guy i thought he looked like darryl.

then i walked over to the opposite end of the stage to say something to the sound guy, and when i was done i walked back out to my spot, but then i realized no one was on the stage. they were all clumped together on either side, and darcy was on stage dancing with his shirt off. it was awkward, but i pretended i did it on purpose again.

as the set ended, rory came up to me and patted my knee, saying "that was a very brave and stupid thing to do" and then he walked away.

i was in purgatory?

people who were in a hurry in life fell into quicksand and couldn't get anywhere fast.
people who were evil turned into blank shells like zombies.
some people went in and their lives were pretty much the same, except they had to walk 50 miles to be closer to the people in their families, if they wanted to see them.
i was paddling around in the quicksand, but my paddle had no traction, it was almost smooth. very ineffective. still, i used it to swim out and save my friend who didn't even have a paddle. i found all the punishments to be ironic and very fitting.

i had grown a thick, black mustache.
i also had no money.

so i was going around to various spas seeing what their rates were like for waxing a mustache. everything was too expensive.

one of the places i went to was a crazy 10 star hotel. i ended up wandering into a room with all kinds of liqueurs hanging up on the walls. on a table in the middle there was a book with all the prices in it. like, if you wanted an extra knife or fork sent to your room, it was $4. i thought about how rich the guests must be to afford crazy things like that.

as i was leaving the room (obviously the mustache waxing was WAY too expensive), i bumped into something and one of the bottles of alcohol poured a shot into a glass automatically. a worker walked in and said i would have to pay for it. i decided to make it a double. it was called courvoisier. i had to pay the girl $16, but it was quite yummy and worth it. i brought it into the lobby to let my friends taste it.

someone kept leaving things in my trunk. in cardboard boxes, with little notes on them. just little things, but it gave me the creeps that someone was around leaving random objects in my trunk. how did they get in there? there were several of us, and there would be a note for each of us. one day i went and opened my trunk, and there were two giant boxes in the trunk. these boxes said they were especially for me. my stomach turned as i lifted the flap of one, and saw the top of a person's head. i knew that there was a person's body in the other box too. at first, i was sure the person stalking us was a random stranger, but i began to panic more and more as i realized i couldn't trust any of my three friends, the two girls or the boy.

i was at smooth hermans in another city.
i had had 2 beer before i even got there, but once i was there, and throughout the whole show, i drank water.

dave was getting rowdy and the bartender kicked him out. then they tried to kick me out too. i was so furious, because their reasoning was that i was drunk and rowdy, and i was in fact neither.

i screamed my head off and made a giant scene. i refused to leave. they eventually just stood by and waited for me to leave, and i took my time, even though i knew i was going to be kicked out eventually.

as i left through the gate, i saw the bouncers letting one person at a time out, and searching their bags for drugs and alcohol. i was insulted that they would think to do something like that to me.

i slipped through the gate as they were checking someone else's bag, but they caught hold of my arm and tried to search my bag and my clothes. once again, i made a giant scene. i was so angry i was shaking.

the bouncer pointed out that there were cops right behind me and he was going to let them take me to the drunk tank if i didn't co-operate.

i felt like the only way i wanted to leave there was in the company of the cops. i would demand a blood test for drugs and alcohol and the bar would have to write me a letter of apology. plus i'd have an awesome story about going to the drunk tank when i wasn't even drinking.

i woke up tense and insanely angry.

a ship. a large majestic ship.
and as it pulls away from the dock, i begin to realize that my decision not to bother untying the ropes was a poor one. there are people out in the fields and i wonder which way the ropes will snap, and if someone is going to get hit. or die. or anything.
but no one does. or at least i think.
but something happened to the ship. i don't know if it was my fault or not. but we slowly started to sink. thank goodness the water was only about 3 feet deep.

my garage was a guitar show room.

then we walked out onto the balcony, and it was a giant glass room, revolving like the orbiter, but insanely huge, overlooking the crazy bright city lights. when we swooped toward the edge, it looked like we were about to fall off, but then it would swing back around. it was supposed to bring people from one path to another, but the person who owned it was showing it off to us, like a crazy ride.
i felt that my life was becoming surreal.

we were in japan, and everyone was crazy about us, a young girl brought a few bathing suits for morgan to try on. he actually did try them on.
then we were in sweden and we were playing with a cute little rock and roll band who looked like the hives. i was quick to dismiss them, but they won me over. i even flirted with one of the members.

at one point i was convinced there were spiders all over my pillow.

i was thinking about going back to college.

i signed up for some courses that were continuations of the courses i took last time. i procrastinated alot and i wondered if i was even going to go, until i finally decided to stop thinking about it and actually do it. i was super stoked.

until i got to school and realized courses had been going on for a month, and i didn't have a schedule and i was way behind in all of my courses.

even that would have been fine, but when i went up to the cbc room (?) to get my schedule i found out i had all different profs than i had last time, and half the reason i signed up for these courses was to get the same profs. if i had a. reynolds, he would definitely take the time to explain the parts of the courses i missed.
i went up to a course or two, and it was too intimidating.

as i was leaving, a. reynolds pulled up in a sportscar and offered us a ride. it was nice to talk to him, i explained everything that had happened, and he was sympathetic. in addidion to this, he was not really wearing a shirt. he had one wrapped loosely around his shoulders and i could see his arms, which were covered in tattoos! i was very surprised by this, as i would never have guessed he was the type.

----------------------------------------------------

next the band was in a store in a city, with a big vaulted ceiling. i was waiting to make an order, when a tall bum looking guy came in with a stack of papers. he handed me a pamphlet or something and i went to take a copy of the paper he was holding (i thought it was a free one like the coast) but he yanked it back because it was some sort of newspaper you had to pay for.

he left, and we were waiting to order our food, and kind of being jerks in the restaurant, touching things we shouldn't touch and yelling and stuff like that. so of course we get kicked out of the restaurant. albert had a bad attitude about it, couldn't believe we were getting kicked out, but i thought our behaviour was stupid and we deserved it.

as we were leaving i saw the bum looking guy again and i was trying to apologize for trying to take his paper, and he kind of forced me into a big gross smelly hug.

we didn't realize there would be a policeman outside. he called us back just as we were leaving.

albert then went over to the door of the restaurant and started peeing on it. the cop was very calm and sort of crouched down next to the door to show albert that he could see him peeing, and then ian, almost reluctantly, put his foot up on the cop's shoulder and started peeing sort of on the wall next to the cop, but he also sort of peed on the cop's arm.

none of us tried to run away, because we knew we were all definitely going to jail.

i took my nieces to the movies and found out that kanye west was a robot.

one of the best i ever had:

he took a bunch of us to the "public library". it was not a regular library, it wasn't just for books (though there were a few). it was more like a museum, or a park, it was a repository for knowledge on subjects, mostly cultural things. it was laid out like a park, some rooms were big and vaulted, with cubbyholes in the walls, tagged by subject. sometimes, you'd walk through a tunnel into an open air area, with more stuff. it had a room about music, and i found a hank williams section and you could look at all of his cds, articles about him, photos, letters, and important objects.

i couldn't believe i didn't know about this place, as it was about the most fascinating and wonerful place i'd ever been. people dressed up to go there on fancy tours, but you didn't have to dress up. i was sure you could go in there for hours and days and still never see the end of all the stuff.

at the end of our tour, we all sat in a little greenhouse and were served a wonderful meal as someone came and showed us a few cool facts we might have missed. he put tiny little studded pins into his collar, and told us how old they were and where they were from. they cost 20 thousand dollars each.

i decided to take my sister there for her birthday.

on the way home, we took a little fancy carriage thing.

i was chasing / being chased by lord voldemort. it was actually quite scary. i would disappear and reappear and he'd be there waiting for me. i finally ended up killing him, once i was ready. my reward was a couple of lobsters sitting in a basket in the maple leaf all day (editor's note: sick)

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my whole band was in a plane. i wanted to sit near the back. me and like 2 other people were there. the plane crashed, and the nose of the plane scraped across the ground, and just wore away like a pencil. everyone died except me and one or 2 of my friends. most of the band was dead and c. and thomas were dead. i remember sitting next to shane and wondering if he was sad that he couldn't even play in his regular band anymore, because they were dead.

then i was at a movie set. i was trying to make a post on a website that had to do with the movie and tf, about how traumatic the experience was. i started typing but then the director came and shushed me, because they were taping.

later my dad came to pick me up, and i forgot my clothes in this giant mansion, and me and the two girls who owned the mansion had to row across the river to get there. i tried to take a picture of the mansion but my camera didn't have any batteries.

later we were on a boat in the day time, a rather large boat, and we were zooming down the river. the boat was too big to manouvre easily, and my brother in law was going way too fast. we fell into a big hole in the river and had a hard time getting out. then we followed the bouys, and they led us over a waterfall. i was wondering how we were going to get back up the waterfall when we came back, but apparently you put a big log in front of your boat, aim it at this spot on the rocks and swing yourself back up like pole vaulting. piece of cake.

ian and i were in a macdonalds. i was telling him how long it had been since i was in one of those. there were bits of lettuce on the floor.

then we noticed the comfy section: every macdonalds now had a section with reclining chairs like you get on the ferry to newfoundland, or in first class on an airplane. every seat had free wireless internet, and they delivered your fries right to you. ian was so incredibly excited, but i was still grossed out to be in macdonalds.

dozing off

dreamt i was in an old, familiar house with lots of wood. i had dirty pictures ripped out of a magazine and i just wanted to find you and make out, but you weren't having it. i woke up frustrated and laughing.

tf was playing a big show. it must have been near my house. it had the same feeling as the festivals we played in england, it was a big busy outdoor show.
we finished playing and i walked through the crowd to my home.
just after i got home someone came to get me because the band had decided to play another song for an encore. it was so long since the show had ended i thought it was silly to go all the way back. at first i rushed around, but then as the time got longer and longer, i stopped rushing. it was such a ridiculous time to come back and play one more song anyway, a few more mintues wouldn't make it any more ridiculous.
so i sat on the step to slowly tie my shoes. my laces were great big squares of fabric, and very hard to tie.
he sat on the step behind me. when i was almost finished, i could feel him touching my neck gently and playing with my hair. he said something like "can you believe i'm doing this?" and i (still tying my shoe) said "imagine that". i wished i knew how to be less awkward about it, because i was so happy on the inside.
i wondered how i could manage to kiss him, with the awkward way we were sitting, and i wondered if we would hold hands on the way back to the show.

i was walking through this little deserted town with like 4 other girls. we were looking for a washroom in the college and they were all full, so i brought them up this set of stairs, and here we were in a deserted town. this was what we were looking for, though, because the town was almost all washrooms. some of them didn't have doors though, or had several toilets in each one. i kept saying to the girls "this is just like a DREAM i always have! i can't believe how much this is like my dreams! they are recurring dreams and they look just like this!"

part 1
my parents were getting ready to kill themselves. my mom had cancer, and they wanted to just get it over with and not have her suffer, and my dad felt he couldn't live without her. i was trying to come to terms with the idea. i wanted practical advice on how to live on my own - what happens to all the bills, how could i afford to live in this house. i suggested maybe i'd get a roommate, my mom said "no one can sleep in this house, it's too noisy"

part 2
i was a young boy, i was just settling into my room at keddy's. the whole hotel was empty, and an old lady walked down the hall with me and showed me where it was. it was a big suite, with several rooms, beds and closets, but all pretty bare and everything was made of wood.
i went outside just as a bus went by. i flagged it down and tried to hop on. it was a tour bus giving details on medieval history of the area (never mind that there was none). i thought it was something i would enjoy, and i had the 5.50 it cost. i was only worried it would take me too far away from my destination.

part 3
we were getting ready for a big show. we got there and everyone was dressed up, and i realized i couldn't wear what i was wearing (a t-shirt or something). the show promoters suggested i just go into the mall directly behind the stage and pick something out. i went through and picked out a few skirts, white ones and some had pink triangles on the bottom. i also picked out a few shiny sweaters and t-shirts. i remember every article. when kristy and i went to try them on, though, the girl behind the counter was closing over that metal wall thing. she said not to worry because someone would be along shortly to let us try on our clothes. and then closed over another metal wall on the other side of us.
we waited there for hours and hours for someone to come back.

glenn died. i was crying uncontrollably. he and someone else i knew died the same day, but i couldn't think about the other person, i was so upset. i kept thinking about the last time i went to halifax and how i could have hung out with him, but i didn't. i had to break the news to everyone.

instead of daniel's, my brain went here.

part I: singing a famous song about canada with the tom fun orchestra. it was very patriotic but most were just singing it as an excuse to sing pretty harmonies (read: me, alicia and morgan).

part II: at an outdoor folk festival where old man luedecke was soon to take the stage, tom fun congregated outside and some decided to enjoy the 4-wheelers on such a sunny summer day. uninterested, i went to use a bathroom where i had to wade through a tub full of water to get to the toilet. my pants were rolled up, the window was open and the boys raced by on the stupid machines. i realized the tub was full to the brim because of a constant drip in the tap. i wondered why no one had pulled the plug... so i did and waded out of the room as it drained.

outside, the stage was being set and albert met me in the parking lot to explain that although ian was deadset on making it home to cape breton in time for his weekly worship, albert had decided we weren't leaving until both tom fun and OML had played. i nodded without caring too much. the boys pulled up on 4-wheelers, some hesistant to approach me and some fun-loving.

part III: carly martin wrote on my facebook.

three of us were in jail. the jail was sometimes on a ship. we had our instruments with us, and also a giant foam cup. we thought we might be able to use the foam cup as a boat.

we finally managed to escape somehow, i don't remember if it had anything to do with the boat or the foam cup. we were driving away through the pier really fast. we knew everyone was looking for us. i ducked down because my uncle was driving by. we thought if we could get out of cape breton we'd be home free. but it was really hard to get out of the pier.

we holed up in a house, cops came in and i thought it was all over, but we invented some crazy and confusing scheme to trick them into thinking we were someone else. i pretended the other girl with us was my mother. we get the cops thinking that one of us was a criminal, but not all of us, and the proof was buried in the floorboards. that ought to buy us some time.

we found a mummified body in the vacant lot behind my house. we went out every day to look at it, so much that we wore paths in the tall grasses. i knew there was something to learn from this bog-man. i lifted him up (very improperly - there was a tense moment when i thought he would break) and the body curled up on its side, almost in a sleeping position. it was then that i saw the treasure chest. he was laying on it, but i couldn't figure out how to move him without breaking him (mummified bodies are very brittle).

it was a large brown mansion. really really huge. we walked in through the giant oak doors.

once we got in we knew something was wrong. there were people walking around like zombies. they were wearing old school academic robes, and they had a greyish hue about them. one of the girls i was with noted that she could see others, barely visible, almost floating through the halls.

i knew that if i didn't give myself a task, i would fall asleep like they had. so i decided i needed to find ron hynes, because i knew he had disappeared inside this house. most people thought he was dead.

i started going through the house. i went into each room methodically. it was hard to concentrate. in one of the rooms an old man sat at a large desk and stared off into space. he said "this house is larger than you think, my dear".

i went out of his door, and sure enough, there were more and more rooms branching off of hallways. i saw staircases leading up and down, many of them near each other and leading in alternate directions. it didn't matter, i knew i could do it methodically.

i got to one closet-like room, and almost fell through a hole in the floor. but wait, no i didn't because the hole closed over. every time i lifted my foot it would open, and every time i went to put my foot down it would close. i reached down and pried it open. there were lights like on a stage underneath a sliding door. it had a girl's name on it. then i realized that some of the translucent people weren't people at all but holograms. i wondered if they were once people trapped in here, and made into holograms once they were dead.

i knew what i had to do. i went to the main room with my friends (i was fighting back the grey mist that swam before my eyes, denser and denser every minute). they were sitting around a table looking at a bottle. there were labels all over this bottle. i peeled one off. a man in front of us vanished. i peeled off another, same thing happened.

i knew that this bottle was at least going to help me distinguish between people who were living and trapped in the house and people who were holograms. i hoped that r. hynes, standing next to me, would not vanish.

i watched a dark cloud roll toward us. i could see snow falling, in a sheet from the edge. it swept over us.

i walked through the security gate into the enclosure. there they were. story book monsters, hairy ugly beasts. but somehow they were beautiful to me. if anyone could understand them, it would be me. some were birds like giant ostriches, some were blood red wolves. at first they were frightened of me, and wouldn't let me pet them. but gradually they started going about their business, and allowing me to lightly drag my hand against their sides or backs as they walked past. they eventually all started going to sleep.

i felt so bad for them, they looked so sad. i went to pet the one that looked the saddest, he was a blue beast, i couldn't tell what kind of animal he resembled. he got up angrily and started walking away, muttering about how they are always patronized, how he didn't want to be petted, just left alone. he wanted to be treated as an equal.

i followed him. he got out of the compound somehow and suddenly he was a great hairy giant. he had a big silver ball which started bouncing down a gorge. he started chasing after it. i wasn't the only one following him though. i wanted to see where he was going, but the man who followed him wanted that ball.

i followed him until he went up. i came face to face with a crazy sheer rock wall that i knew i'd never be able to climb.

we drove the boat past the whirlpool and onto the island.

i was stealing money from the missing boy's wallet as his parents walked up behind me.

just a little sleep, please.

i dreamed that she mailed me a stack of letters you had written me about your love for me. along with snotty notes written in jealousy.
i dreamed another lady was on your mind and in your eyes.
i dreamed of a car crash beneath an overpass.

my mom was having a hard time figuring out which streetcar to get on. we were in a yard full of streetcars. they were all shutting down for the night. mom ended up getting on one that looked like a milk truck, and i thought it was the wrong one, but she seemed confident.

i started walking back by myself and this creepy little old man started coming up to me and saying creepy things and trying to grab at me. he was really short, with a bald head and a beard and a bulbous nose, like a dwarf from snow white, only homeless and smelly and lecherous. i had to hit him in the head with a rock repeatedly. he kept following me.

i was massaging the back of a handsome korean man.

we were walking through alleyways. the girl i was with kept trying to get me to eat these curled up apple peelings with sugar on them. they were soaked in LSD. i kept trying to explain to her that i didn't do acid. she was even trying to trick me into eating them, but i was just exasperated.

then there was a giant baboon coming up behind us, with the weird colorful face and everything. i was terrified. the guy i was with was into animals so he thought it was cool, but i knew that baboons were very vicious. i threw it the banana that was in the bag with the apple peelings. it bounded up over a fence and was gone.

i wanted to get out of the alleyway. i couldn't stop thinking about the monkey.

we were going to a concert, and we had to walk through this weird lodge building to get to the stage. but we went very slowly, because we had been summoned by a shady character, and there was a chance we would be sucked up into an upper storey room to talk to the lead alien (also lead singer of the band) and we couldn't quite tell if the top part of the building was actually a spacecraft.

we eventually went in, and bought a few cookies, and continued on through to the other side, where there was a field and a stage. we climbed up onto a ledge and rested our arms on the stage. i was still a little wary of the lead alien, but my friend brought us all some melon flavored shooters so i quickly forgot about it and enjoyed the band.

kim oulette died from a fatal illness. it was insanely tragic.

i was playing with a toy that belonged to my niece. it was a fisher price loom. but it didn't weave anything, it was just some string attached to pieces of plastic that moved up and down in a plastic case thing. i thought it was weird that fisher price made a toy loom.

my sister and i were driving up to a toll booth. she had seen my brother in law go right through a toll booth once, without paying, so she decided to try it out. she drove wide around the end of the toll booth. she thought we had gotten away. i kept telling her it was a terrible idea.

at some toll booths they have spiky strips on the ground that come up and bust your tires if you drive right through. this one had lines on the ground with holes in them, and they shot flames up at your car. we were going too fast for them to melt our tires though.

i was telling her "nicole, they saw you drive through the toll booth, they're going to send cars after us. we'd better stop" but she wouldn't. she didn't even seem nervous, she wasn't driving any faster than usual. cop cars kept pulling up next to us, and i'd think she was about to stop, but she'd drive onto an exit ramp and go onto another road. there were more and more cars showing up every minute, and i was wondering if i was going to get into this ever increasing trouble, even if i was just the passenger.

we were walking along a road next to a building. the road was actually a race track. but it was ok, it was night time and winter and there were no races. but oops, there is a race happening. someone notices us, and makes us get off the track, just before the cars come zipping past. whatever, we think, we will just go across. so we cut across the middle of the track, and cross at the other side. the cars were way on the other side of the track, and we crossed without a problem. but they are pretty fast. i didn't realize they's get so close so quick.

we walk along the side of the track. we have to get to halifax. the side of the track is all slushy, deep as our ankles. we get to the end of the oval track, and start crawling through a hole in the wall. most of the holes have grates, but we can fit through this one. there is snow on the inside. we jump out, and once i do, i am waist deep in slushy water. it is freezing. but it's ok since we are now at the halifax race track.

i see vic eating little lumps of sausage from a vendor. the vendor doesn't want anyone to find out she sold vic sausages, because she'd get in trouble.

waiting for vic to finish, i sit down by the wall, shivering, and watch the race cars zipping past high above me. they are on an elevated track, and i can't really see them because of the wall, but i can barely see their tops. and i can see the effect they make on the sky. they're going so fast they are making the sky turn purple and pink and different blues. it is one of the prettiest things i have ever seen.

i was at a cafe in sackville. the whole town was preparing for a big event.

jimmy from shotgun and jaybd worked at the cafe. when i walked in he was super excited to see me. both him and fred gave me hugs, but jimmy's was much more enthusiastic. i thought to myself "am i on hugging terms with these guys now?".

jimmy showed me a pamphlet for the dance later that night, and then he asked me to promise to dance with him. he was so nice and sincere, that i said i would even though i was worried about not being able to dance.

---------------------------------

later the cops pulled over all of us, the college kids, who were in vehicles driving through fields. there was something big going on, a plot of some sort. someone told the cops i had seen everything, which i hadn't really. but i knew what was going on. if i only knew the names of those 4 ringleaders, i would have turned them in, because as much as i like illegal activity, these guys were dicks. but i didn't so the cop went away. then the ringleaders came over and were trying to intimidate me, in that super annoying way, "uh.. you didn't tell that cop anything, now did you alicia. we know you'd never do something like that" *glare*. i told them i didn't give a shit about their plot, and i didn't know their names anyway, because they were losers. i wasn't afraid of them. they went away too.

my dad was crying, and my mom wouldn't tell me why.

i was in ian's mom's basement. ian's mom lived way down at the end of the pier. her house was beautiful, all plush white carpets, comfy sofas, glass and chrome. we were practicing for our two shows that night.

i had to use the washroom, and i couldn't use the one the boys were using. so i had to go upstairs into ian's mom's giant restaurant. it was a really fancy restaurant. people had to put down a 300 dollar deposit just to eat there. she made me have some soup. she had a weird accent. the soup was really good. a girl came in, she looked just like this girl i met in newfoundland, but she was from kiev or some crazy place, and she had a strong accent. i told her about our show later, but after she left, i realized i forgot to tell her it was at bunkers.

so off we went to our first show of the night. it was in this huge crazy bar. i don't know if it was bunkers or not. there weren't enough inputs or something, so i sat at a table and watched. scott boudreau played acoustic guitar and he was playing my parts. i was delighted by this. everyone in the band was sitting on stools.

i was at a table with that girl i met in ian's mom's restaurant. we were doing a crossword puzzle, the clue was "rats and mice" i really wanted to put "savagogement" but she was like "no, silly, it's 'rodents'". i felt dumb, but still secretly thought the right answer was savagogement.

tf was still playing, but it sounded terrible. no one knew what they were doing. i went up to sing harmony with ian, but he would hold the microphone really far away from him, so all you could hear was me singing. then he walked off the stage and all i could sing were the harmony parts, so the song sounded really weird.

i was at some sort of all women's event. melanie and ashley were there, as well as every girl i know. everyone started singing the old bluegrass standard "i'll fly away". i was stoked because i've been listening to it alot on the o brother where art thou soundtrack. it was all girls singing, so everyone was trying to sing really high, and i had to sing really really low.

when it was all done, and everyone finished clapping, melanie announced that it was the single from some girl's newly released album. i said under my breath "yeah, hers and everyone else's" and the girl was standing right behind me. she was wearing a purple pantsuit. she just kind of laughed as i tried to apologize for being rude. i said "i just make jokes." and "it's just because i have been listening to the o brother where are thou soundtrack alot lately".

i was with an old man, it could have been my father, but he was too old.

we walked and walked down this dirt road in the woods. finally we came to it, the salvation army junkyard. it was a creepy place. the old caretaker (even older than my father), came up to meet us. his clothes were the color of rust, just like the old scraps of metal lying in the yard. he told us we could have anything we found but to be careful.

he started telling us about a young man who went inside the building and found an old college book, and started reading it. but he just continued to read it, on and on, and never showed the slightest signs of putting it down, day after day, night after night. i didn't want to go inside the building to see if he was still there.

then a young boy came, dressed in the same rusty clothes as the old man. he started telling us a story about the junkyard dog. it had the same creepy feeling to it. the junkyard dog just went round and round in circles and never stopped, not even if there was something in its way.

my parents and i were going on a trip. the way we travelled was to sit in laundry dryer cylinders. it got very hot in there. my parents accepted the tradition of closing themselves into their dryers and turning them on. it was very hot in there, and very uncomforable travelling, because the dryers were twirling. i decided to leave the dryer door open, and that way the cylinder wouldn't turn.

we were in new york city. we were at a small, very prestigious school. i found out about a mystery involving the school. then someone put a bomb in the school and blew it up. i drove away from the school thinking that it was my fault that the school blew up. the CN tower stood in the distance against the cloud of smoke from the burned out school.

i was in a laboratory. there was a rare and poisonous species of frog. i was worried it would get loose.

could have been worse

after a night of complete havoc, i grabbed joe o'toole and dragged him into an oversized tv cabinet. i closed the doors and we made out, a lot.

everyone decided to cut watchmaker and thieves from the record. i tried to reason with them, but no one would listen to me. ian was being a huge jerk. he made me cry.

i went to a bar that looked like baba's and everyone knew me there. some weird guy kept trying to buy me drinks. then ian and everyone showed up, and none of them talked to me.

we were waiting for a train. it was night time. i realized there was a dane cook autograph session going on in the train station. it was terribly exciting. he was autographing brightly colored folders with nothing in them. i got him to make one for me and dave. i was so excited to meet him, i kept saying the stupidest things. he was also selling t-shirts for 5 bucks. i ran out of the room to the bank machine, but then i realized i had money in my pocket. when i got back they were packing up, not many people were left. i felt awkward.

i asked for 2 shirts. his t-shirts were just blank t-shirts, already worn and with mud all over them. he wrote his name on them in pen. he got me to write some of it. my handwriting looked nothing like his. i bought myself a blue collared work shirt, it fit nice and it wasn't covered in mud. then i told him to listen to my band. he wrote our myspace down, but said he was on tour and alot of people wanted him to do things like that, so he wasn't sure when he could check it out. i felt awkward again and rejoined my friends.

we were still waiting in the train station, i told them that osheaga festival was going on later tonight, and we could go because it was only 6 bucks to get in. i didn't know who was playing.

later, me and sidney were walking over the last bit of the over pass and onto the terminal road. i told her it was a shortcut. the wind was so strong is almost blew her over. then yvette suggested we take the train tracks all the way to the mall, in the other direction. we started going, i was worried a train would come. there was a paved walkway on one side of the tracks, i started walking on that.

the walkway gradually got higher and higher off the ground, and ended at a straight wall. the walkway was now part of a building. it was too high to jump. i wondered how yvette got down.

so i started going through the building, which was filled with tourists and school groups who were looking at the train tracks. i kept going in rooms, but they never led me down and outside. finally i found this small room, like a cylinder with a ladder in it. along the wall there were indentations, only a few inches deep, but this was the ladder you had to climb to get down.

when i got to the bottom, i could see people walking past a frosted window. i was afraid i would get in trouble, but when i peeked out, i was where i wanted to be. on a second walkway on ground level.

yvette was there with bags and bags of fireworks. he mother got them for her, and she wanted to set them off on the train tracks. i was worried someone would get hurt. a big crowd of onlookers had formed but NO ONE had a match or a lighter. darren and mikey were there, with a bunch of our friends, they were rolling stuff, but they had no lighter either. we saw a guy smoking a cigarette and started forming a complicated plan to ask him to borrow his lighter. the man didn't really want to lend it to us.

oh, and a few nights ago

we were at a festival (with andrew, too!). we went for a sunny afternoon walk. we were walking through a parking lot of a school near a flagpole when you stopped and took a contraption from your backpack. we hooked it to our backs like a parachute and it allowed us to hover for brief moments of time and control our direction. two old ladies looked on and talked about how silly we were. then i looked into your zipped open bag and saw a cassette tape case. inside was (like a matchbook) strips of LSD. david bowie lsd that you said you got in edinburgh. that's when i realized why you were so crazy.

my latest dream sequence:

a) we appear on a porch of a hotel that is $30 per hour to stay in. the room was beautiful with lots of white. we were dressed old-fashioned. the rest of the group were busy for the afternoon. then we returned to the hotel with the group and i noticed you were avoiding me to some extent. i stuck my nose in the air and went on with my day. later, you lost your david bowie tape and albert, jeff and i started rumaging with you through a clean but extremely untidy hotel room. there were piles of things i liked strewn about: books, clothes, and darker clothes. (the door and windows were open, late afternoon, summer.) we found other interesting casettes, but not yours. i wondered why i was so quick to help you after you avoided me for hours.

b) allie and i were at a concert/art show. joni mitchell sat two rows behind us and had a cameron diaz haircut (but was still beautiful). everyone from the concert was going to this burger joint/restaurant place so there were some people i knew there, but mostly just lines that were too long. while i was waiting, i noticed erin and laura chapman at the counter. they took their seats without saying hi because i hadn't noticed them looking. later, when i was about to order, i could hear erin talking shit about me to an old acquaintence of mine, trevor. i walked up to their booth and gave her the eye, to let her know i heard everything and disagreed. she shut her trap.

i went to london, ontario to visit my cousin. london was huge and filled with futuristic skyscrapers. but when i got there it was past dark, so when my cousin picked me up, and we had to walk to his place, we had to stop at the sherriff's house and get a special permit which meant we wouldn't get fined if we looked anyone in the eye. the sherriff was skeptical as to why we would want to look anyone in the eye, but i told him that on the east coast we do it all the time. the sherriff had a southern accent.

there was an electronic billboard at an intersection by a big church. it would flash messages at you from the church about all the sins in the world, by telling you what the driver of the car opposite you may have been thinking. they actually ended up being kind of perverted and graphic, and you wondered if the church people who made them up were just trying to live a little. some of the less perverted ones went like "he is thinking homosexual thoughts right now... ABOUT YOU" or "he wants to have sex with your teenage daughter" or "if he can find a way not to get caught, he will steal all your money".

then i was at a ct show... there was a "dance-off", in which shane went down into the crowd while playing and handed out free movie passes. i was wearing jeans and a bikini top and a cat in the hat hat. shane did not give me a movie pass.

wait, aren't you dead?

i was at my mom's parents house. only my family was there. the phone had rang, and when i went in the other room to pick it up, i realized that my grandfather had answered it and was talking to his sister. i wanted to hang up as to not be rude but i waited until i heard his voice again and then clumsily hung it up.

me and ian and a few other people were in a room with a 400 pound lady. she was so fat she couldn't get out of bed. she kept rolling around, and anyone on the bed would be sucked into the dent she made. she kept ordering us around, telling us to do things for her because she couldn't get out of bed. she wanted us to call a 1-900 number for her, it was a psychic hotline. apparently she was really rich. we couldn't believe it, we watched on her cell phone as the charges for the call grew and grew. as we left we talked about how we couldn't believe they could charge $3 a second for a psychic call. then we walked past a waterslide.

i was at a giant carnival. it was outside of a hotel. there was a giant production going on. they were singing songs from disney movies, dressed up in elaborate costumes. then they broke into "thriller" by michael jackson. they did the thriller dance out into the street and stopped traffic. i was amused that no one got upset with them, because they did the same production every hour. there was a black man in a sparkly suit singing, and there were three girl backup singers, whose hair was in a giant pineapple shape. i've never seen such big hair before. someone told me that one of the girls used to play bass for the smashing pumpkins. her name was d'arcy.

a small island with a rocky beach. komodo dragons were in the water, they started attacking people, and they ate a child. we knew that they would soon move onto the land.

more music upon the pillow

incredible dream.

hightlights:
giant music festival/conference
the hidden cameras being a 3 piece band with bad songs and professional actors playing out ridiculous skits in between songs ("i play with myself. i played with myself in the very seat you are sitting in earlier!")
deanna and nicole seated on bleachers
deanna agressively and repeatedly removing a naked guy's towel which was covering only his bird in front of hundreds of people
a band that was singing songs that were pretty much written for you, me rushing back to the hidden cameras to find you and tell you that your dream band is playing to no one on a platform hundreds of feet away
everyone squishing together on the bench (like when you make a sharp turn in a backseat) and laughing

we were in a hotel. we met a girl who was planning on sleeping outside. i didn't want to break it to her that is was minus 27 out. we were playing acoustic guitars in the lobby. me and melanie and albert were singing sarah harmer songs with 3 part harmony. i was really tired. i wanted to go to sleep. i went in the room we were in before, but the shaky deals were in there sleeping, and all the beds were full. then i went in another room, and every member of tf was crammed in there. there was defintely no room for anyone else. i was really upset. i tried to sleep in some tiny corner of the floor. when the sun finally rose, i went and looked in the other room. melanie ashleee andrew and jack were in there, sleeping very comfortably. i was super pissed off. i called them idiots and got in a screaming fight with andrew. he was like "just suck it up" and i said that the rooms were paid for by the band. then we went looking for food, and darren took us through the sketchiest streets for like a million blocks. he was way ahead of us, and we could barely see him. finally we caught up to him at a building by the water, with a tiny little narrow walkway. we were trying to squeeze ourselves onto the walkway when he showed up from the other side and said he and ian had already eaten and there was no more food here.

me and my two ex boyfriends were drinking in my barn. they kept accidentally setting little fires to things with their cigarette butts and i was freaking out because we weren't supposed to be in the barn at all. another girl was suddenly there and she wanted to barbequeue veggie hot dogs, but i was afraid it would start another fire. i made the boys empty out all the cans with cigarette butts in them so we wouldn't get found out.

then albert showed up and suggested all sorts of things i could do to my guitar to protect the finish, like rub it gently with a baseball bat, or take a capful of tea or alcohol and rub it into the wood. i decided i would try all of those things.

we drove very slowly down the middle of the road because there were people walking in the middle of each lane. then i was in a hotel room in a party and a doctor guy was handing out envelopes to each person. he knew who i was though and started talking about my band, and the people who were next in line were getting really impatient. but i told him about the band playing at the lord nelson and the delta at the ecmas and he left the lineup to go get a pen to write down my contact information. the people in the lineup were pissed.

good ol' northend.

we were at the upstairs which was about 10 feet wider on all sides and more open as a space. there were several acoustic acts happening, i was to play later, so i was floating around early. there were less than 15 people around, and john rae & the river were playing between sets. i was singing outload instead of carrying on conversation with those around me. deanna and nicole were there, asking why i was still wearing this bracelet with the wrapping paper on it. i said that it was wrapping paper i had bought for jenna and when she gave me a bracelet, i didn't want to remove it. then jenna and morgan walked in holding another gift for me, wrapped in the same black-white polkadot paper.

morgan and i embraced and he told me he really cared about me as a friend and that i should not worry about anything. then he told me he had pizza for us and invited me to the back of the bar to eat it. we had one bite and i looked up to see who was talking and it was an older man with a handgun. he pointed it out the window and said, "it can do this, and this-" firing the gun twice, pointing it at me- "and this.." where i got shot in the collarbone and fell to the ground.

finally up to date

march 02, 07

i was participating in a contest at some sort of fair. it was night time. we were each standing in front of a crumbly concrete wall. there was something we had to figure out about the wall. i saw a dark patch on the concrete, and i poked my finger in, and it crumbled away because there was a small cavity behind the dark patch. inside the cavity was a tiny sickly frog or fish or something. so i won the contest because i found the sickly frog.

but before i realized what i was doing, i threw the sickly frog into the first bit of water i saw. i think i thought i was going to revive him, or set him free. there was a square hole, about a few feet wide, cut out of the concrete that was filled with water. big tubes were coming out of it going to the big heavy machinery, and the water was covered in a giant slick of oil and it was really hot and nearly boiling, and that is the water i happened to throw the sickly frog into.

i realized as the frog left my hands that i shouldn't throw him into the horrible hot polluted water, but i still had hope that he'd float to the surface so i could rescue him, i wouldn't care if i scalded my hands. but he didn't come up fast enough. after a while i knew the poor little frog was dead. everyone around me shook their heads in disgust, and the happiness i had from winning the contest turned into sadness and guilt. i kept thinking "what was i thinking? i wasn't thinking. what a stupid thing to do".

bliss

i had a beautiful baby girl.

feb 25 07

zach was jamming with bonnie tyler.


feb 27 07

i won an ecma, and the next day i won a grammy. andrea c. presented the award. all i said both times at the podium was "thank you". i was really excited about the grammy, my mom and dad came down for it and everything. then i realized that the grammys were only for east coast artists, just like the ecmas, so it was pretty much the same thing. i took my mom to all the parties anyway, but they were all deserted, everyone was tired out from the ecmas.


feb 28 07

someone was trying to kill me, but they failed. later i was still upset about it, so that i ran into a guy who was wanted for beating women and i stabbed him in the heart. it went from being in a castle to being at the dump. i was wracked with guilt.

feb 22 07

we were playing a show somewhere, we decided to let everyone we knew join the band. including dylan m. the bus was piled high with extra stuff, like bags and mattresses. when we got to the place we all had to wait hours to get a shower because there were so many of us.

this boy and i had kissed and then we hung out for a while. i thought i was doing really good, but i guess he thought that i was too uptight (when in fact i was just nervous), and decided he didn't want to hang out with me. i sort of accepted that, but i was still a little hopeful. it ended when i walked into a room, and i looked around for a seat, and there weren't very many seats, because of how many people were there. there was a seat by albert, but he was on his computer. he said he was about to leave, but i saw another seat that looked more comfy, and i went and sat there and the boy i kissed was sitting there with someone, and he actually got mad and was like "this is way too crowded, can't you sit somewhere else?".

i went into another room to get ready to play a solo set. i wasn't sure if i remembered the words. i was humming and then the sound guy came up and started playing the chords. i had never seen him before, but he said he did sound for me before and totally loved it and remembered everything about it. he was hitting on me pretty big time.

i had to go get a shower. i was pretty sure there was no one in there so i made my way by high speed train to the stage, which is where the shower was set up. or at least it was in a big room with sliding doors with a drum kit behind it. devon was there, sitting at the drum kit, but i figured i could get him to leave if i was going to get a shower. a different boy showed up and every time i would take off my shoes or socks, he would do it too. i think he thought he was getting in the shower with me. however, we looked in the shower and sidney was in there, which is why devon was guarding her. sidney got mad at devon for letting us look in the shower.

then devon said "did you hear the news? carmen went crazy and shot j. barber, and anyone who was wearing pink". where she got a gun, i don't know. we went to find her, and she was crouched on an indoor train track. a tiny train came super fast and hit her legs, but she wasn't hurt other than that. we watched as the cops came and escorted her away. then shane almost got hit by the same train.

feb 20 07

there was a small black cloud hanging outside my door. you could barely see it, yet it was very distinctive. something kept happening to us, we'd lose track of time and of reality. it was frightening. we saw small patches of green mould forming on things, and when we were able to think clearly, we realized that this was the black cloud condensing on surfaces. we realized that this mould was what was making us lose our minds. we tried to scrape it off without touching it, but it kept forming faster than we could get rid of it.

feb 17 07

i was at a big big party. we realized all of the guests shoes had gone missing. we went outside and saw that the people responsible for stealing the shoes had laid them out underneath all of the cars in the parking lot.



then later i went out again and the shoe stealers themselves were also laying with their heads under the cars and their feet sticking out.



i was so mad at them for stealing all the shoes i wanted to kick one of them in the face. i didn't though, and went back inside to try and host the party. after a while a guy came to the door and handed me a case of beer and said "put those in the fridge for me will you?" with a smarmy smile. he wanted me to make his beer cold so he could go join the shoe stealers laying around in the parking lot. i was so angry i slammed the door in his face.

feb 09 07

there was a crocodile in my backyard. it was really scary. it was a mean, fast crocodile too. at one point there were two of them in my house. but by that point they were very tiny. so small, i could fit them in a jar. but i was still very scared. i grabbed them by the tails, and put them in the jar. i was sure they were going to bite me. and it's like when you catch a wasp in a jar and put a piece of cardboard over the top, you have to hold it there with your hand, but you're afraid the wasp will sting you through the cardboard. that's what it was like, so i screwed a metal cover on the jar. but then i thought they would not be able to breathe, so i poked holes in it with a pin.

i let them go outside, and they were full size crocodiles again. my dog kept running outside and i thought "if she goes around to the side of the house with the crocodiles on it, she will be eaten for sure" once again, very scary. my neighbor had a trailer for transporting crocodiles, and i hoped he would be able to catch it and take it away. this wasn't the first time there were crocodiles in my house / back yard.

feb 14 07

i was a spy played a show in my store. a regular customer came in and was looking to buy a weird item, she had to walk through the crowd. she had an open mind about it. they were playing by the greeting cards / ice cooler.

feb 15 07

zach was jamming with george harrison in a big old movie theatre. it was the same movie theatre i saw green day play in. there were big translucent doors and i was knocking and knocking trying to get zach to let me in. zach was getting along really well with george harrison.

Effie.

alicia drove to my house in her orange car; it was a standard. we were having a laugh and needed to get to the DMV, but couldn't take her car. so i got ready to drive the golf, after explaining to my dad (i lived at home) that i drive slower when i drive a standard. so after emerging from the lake of water the car was in, i drove away.

then i found myself looking for alicia, carless, still having to get to the DMV, so i hopped on the bus. there was a family with 4 girls. the second youngest, Effie, was adorable! you got on the bus and Effie was ecstatic. her preemie sister had 4 tubes coming out of her face. suddenly this moment launched into a commercial i was watching on tv. this family was russian and the preemie was a victim of child traficking; her parents sold her. i became instantly devasted and wanted to cry for Effie.

so, alone and sad in a beautiful hardwood floor apartment, i decided that i would light some candles and do some yoga while the kids i was babysitting slept, since i couldn't find alicia anyway. as i started to dig out the candles, you ran through the door with a single matress in your arms and blankets and bags and threw it to the ground playfully. you sat on the couch and i approached you and kissed you in very silly ways. carolyn and ashley burst in, laid on the matress back to back. they noticed our body language and asked if they should leave. i told them, "i kind of want you to stick around!" where i proceeded to slap carolyn's butt.

feb 06 07

the group went out into the football field where there was to be a grand unveiling. someone brought it out, a giant swath of fabric, green, blue, red and yellow. it was a pyramid. but there were holes in the fabric, which we had to patch with buckets and buckets of tiny velcro balls the same color as the walls. it was to be our project for the summer, and our home in the winter. we got to check out an already built pyramid. the walls were plastered and painted on the inside, the same color as the wall. it was huge enough to hold hundreds of students. i saw chris s. and someone else from my elementary school days, who used to be a dork but was now blazingly cool.

later i was serving popcorn to some ladies. they took a giant bag and filled it with a brick of popcorn that was stale and stuck together so that they could get more for their money. it was gross looking. i rang it in, and it said something like 4 dollars, and the women were mad, because it was too expensive. i had to get my boss gordie to tell me how much they cost. i had to do a really confusing computer program to fix it, because the women had paid for the popcorn several months ago and were only picking it up now.

feb 5 07

i was driving out to a house in the middle of nowhere, it was snowing like crazy. i tried to call my mom and tell her she didn't have to pick me up.

i was imprisoned in a big old house that was sort of like a museum, but an old woman owned it and she was holding us prisoner. there were three of us who couldn't escape. the guard there was working for her, he was always on the computer working out deals for smuggling cocaine into the country. he was really nice, and he was also a prisoner, except that he worked for the lady and she paid him.

there was a big black woman lawyer who wore a flowery mu mu and one of those cylindrical hats. she always came and went. we wanted to escape from the lady but it was scary. we knew she'd find us wherever we went.

we tried all sorts of things, i faked an injury, and we went into the museum and grabbed things heavy enough to hit her with, but when it came down to it, i was too afraid to try and hit her, in case it didn't knock her out. she sent us to get some "gendarmes" which turned out to be really old bicycles from WW1, and while we went to get them we once again tried to find something to hit her with, and once again chickened out.

finally, the woman went away for a day or 2, and we convinced the cocaine guy to help us. at first he said he wouldn't do it, and we went outside all sad. after a few minutes, he came out dressed as the big lawyer lady and started yelling at us in an impression of her voice, things like "hurry up, i'm not waiting all day". this made the neighbours not be suspicious of our leaving, since we were leaving with the lawyer lady. we went off with him / her through the woods in the back of people's yards.

jan 28 07

i was on my way to work, and kristy stopped to give me my guitar stand, but instead of folding it up, like i asked, she had taken it completely apart. i was really really upset. she offered me whiskey at 8am in the parking lot of my store.


feb 1 07

i was at a giant festival overseas. melanie was there as well. we were waiting for our food, which consisted of giant thick waffles, drenched with chocolate and whipped cream. i wanted seconds, but the cook had an auction, and a guy won the last one for 75 dollars, whereas i only had 33 dollars. plus, i was thinking that it would suck to go the rest of the festival with no money.

i ran into my doctor, who was a tattoo artist. he wanted to draw something on me, a giant scene from a movie, with 4 separate shots, one on each of my arms and legs. he did it in a weird way, made a grid out of string about a centimetre off the surface of my skin. the pictures were of nude men. i tried to make sure he knew i didn't want a tattoo. his wife came in and he started ignoring me, so i left.

carlito, carlito.

i was at my uncle and aunt's place for the night. my unrelated cousin was there and she was going to go partying with my brother and his friend. so i went for the drive.

they arrived at the large field at the top of my parents street. there was a semi-road built through the hay where cars were approaching the party barn and lots of people already present. i realized that the car we drove was a standard, and that someone would have to drive me back as i wasn't staying.

carleton became very angry and started yelling nasty things at me and getting that look in his eyes from when we were kids and i would pick on him so bad and he would be more than ready to kick my ass. then he picked up a telephone (with hundreds of feet of cord running from the barn) and chucked the receiver at my face.

mom and dad appeared (?) and took us both to their house down the road where they sooked me and made carleton apologize. on the wall, there was a chronology of my life from 5 pictures my parents had. another aunt had taken those pictures home, scanned them to one piece of glossy paper, titled it something about my life, and thumb tacked it to the wall.

8:00 AM

i was in your place.

jan 22

albert and kolin ran a school. there were lots of activities that happened there between 8 and 11 pm. i was doing something, but i told albert i'd be there at 10 to help out. later i realized i had to work from 10 to 11, so i couldn't go. i was really unhappy because i wanted to go to meet the ranger who protected the woods around the school (like aragorn from lord of the rings), who occasionally came in to teach the kids. no one liked him, but i was sure i'd understand him. when i finally met him though, he acted like a creepy old man.

then i was the main character in a movie, everything was seen from my point of view, and you never got to see my face. i was breaking into and out of apartments constantly, doing crazy flips and jumps all the time. by the end of it, i was doing all the breaking into and out of everywhere to avoid the creepy ranger guy. i put a cake into a cake competition with a student of mine. i couldn't go down to look at the cake because i was avoiding the ranger.

a giant gross looking pig was guarding the cake. the pig was either a) me b) a guardian spirit to protect me from the ranger or 3) a pig i hired to guard the cake. i don't think the pig was me, because i did a bunch of window flips that i assume a 400 pound pig incapable of.

the ranger still managed to see my cake because he called into the contest and said "that little chocolate one behind the pig, that's a mighty fine cake. it gets my vote", so my cake won because he was one of the celebrity judges. i was mortified, but my partner, the little girl, was standing by the cake and the pig and was beaming. then the narrators voice said "she finally won something, and that's all that matters" and then CREDITS started rolling even thought it didn't feel like the end of the story.

jan 14 07

i was playing in a giant school with yellow. i took some of the stuff out to the van or whatever. i tried to find my way back to the place we had played, but i couldn't find it. i was also looking for a new hat.

i told a friendly teacher guy of my 2 objectives. i learned that the cafeteria or wherever it was that we played was about to be destroyed, you know, wrecking balls and all that stuff. i was upset because my tuner and all my cables were still in there. i ws determined to get there before the room was demolished. the teacher i was with pointed out the hat store, and i asked if we were near the other room, and he said "oh no, that's way down there, i'll take you" but he was so interested in looking at the hats he wouldn't tell me exactly where the other room was.

i didn't think i could find it on my own. plus i wanted to be polite, and really, how long could it take to look at hats. this guy was SUPER interested in these hats, because they were made by his art students. i picked up a hat that was too small for me and i tried to stretch it a bit, but it stretched HUGE and i put it down really quick so no one would see that i'd ruined the hat.

finally i got fed up and left. i went into another door and saw some art students. they were going to show me where the room was but the got distracted and walked back into the room where i just was. it was an art supplies store / cafe type of thing.

i followed them to a door in the very back of the room, which opened up to a giant beach. it was night time. the proprietor of the store was an old woman who was a great artist (or the art girls thought so anyway). she had put an easel on the shore, even in the waves, and the art girls thought this was a genius idea, even without seeing or knowing anything about what was being painted on it.

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my niece and i were in an airport in australia. we hung out in the airport for a long time because we were so excited to be in australia, and every time someone spoke to us in an australian accent we would get very excited. we eventually went outside, and there were jungle like trees everywhere.

sometimes the sidewalk would delve into a bank of earth, and if the earth was dark brown, there would always be a half naked guy or two guarding it with a spear for some reason. even if the patch of earth was only a few feet. i thought about going to new zealand, but i felt like i couldn't because it would be copying off of jacky. i really wanted to go to new zealand.

-----------------------------------------

i was walking with 4 guys to a fancy house. when we get there, we went in and through to the veranda on the back. there was a bear creeping up on us. one of the guys made a scary face and scared away the bear. we went back inside, but one of the guys liked the bear and went outside and fed it bits of fish and octopus.

dec 25 06

i was in toronto visiting megan h. as we walked to her apartment, 3 boys proposed to her.

thousands of army men with guns in my backyard. and everywhere. i had to hide beneath the window. then they knocked on my door.

last week.

when i tried to call 911, they couldn't hear me. then he threw himself backwards off the apartment balcony next door.
this time, 911 heard me and sent over ambulances and other sirened vehicles.
when i looked down from my balcony, there were lights and paramedics wheeling a stretcher with an empty body bag back into the ambulance.
a broken machine laid where i expected to see his bloody body.

dec 19 06

it was my mom's birthday. my nieces and i started putting out the christmas presents. when we were halfway done, we realized it wasn't christmas, but only my mom's birthday, so we started putting them back. some of them were shaped like giant gingerbread men, and wrapped in the shape of gingerbread men. when i went back downstairs, my sister had taken the tree. everything. including all the ornaments, the little rug that goes under it, and everything. i asked her why she took it, and she said she just wanted it. my mom let her take it. i was so disappointed, because now for christmas, all the presents just had to sit on a bare patch of floor.

if i remember all my dreams,
the time when i was sleeping
hasn't just disappeared

thunder bay

oct 30 06

my parents and i were in the far north. everything was cold, cold. there wasn't any food left. i agreed that they could cook me and eat me. i saw a guy whose head had been cooked and i decided i didn't want them to cook me and eat me after all. i tried to get my parents to come with me and leave to try and find food, but it was really hard for them to walk because their legs were being cooked slowly, and their muscles didn't work anymore. it was really scary and sad.

oct 19 06

we were at a party at angelo s's. he gave lachie some acid and then lachie did coke. his skin turned grey and bags formed under his eyes and it made him look really old all of a sudden, and everyone was really concerned about him.

i got home from tour and my boss immediately called me in to work. when i got there there were three workers in red shirts putting price tags on everything, and there was a big black cash register. they were pinning things up on clotheslines, and cooking food. i couldn't believe how different the store was when i got back, i'd only been gone for a few weeks. i didn't know why my boss bought a new cash register.

sept 11

i was in a city that felt like st john's but seemed much bigger - though i think it was sydney, or at least halifax. i was with some people, getting ready for a night on the town.

i knew of a party that i was really looking forward to attending. it was melissa's going away party. this was going to be the last time i'd ever see her.
on the way to the party, i met up with her on the road. she had a bag of cheap jewelery and we laughed about it for a while, as we walked down taylor street.
she said she had something to show me before she left. her tone was flat, it was like she was using up the very last of her anger and disappointment and resentment, on the way to forgiveness. it was a tired sort of anger. i started to realize where we were headed - first brook, this place me and melissa used to hang out when we were younger. it made me feel remorseful and nostalgic. so nostalgic it was almost tangible.

i was looking through a book like a program, i found it in the bag with the cheap jewelery. it was filled with pictures, and as i turned the pages, the pictures became recognizable. i started to cry, and just then i looked up and we were there. i saw those same pictures in black and white - pictures of me and melissa in all of the memorable moments we've shared together - huge, billboard sized photos, ranged along the valley and lit with floodlights.

in the castle, being chased by the scary guy i came upon this dead end room.


i chose big.



uh oh. big seems to mean that everything (except me and my team) was really really big. plus we were in a department store / grocery store. (back then they didn't exist. hello foreshadowing.)



we were there for a really long time. that meant we had to raid the freezers for food. eventually we made a car out of a wire. or maybe we stole it from the mice. it was good for avoiding the giant humans. we didn't want to be squashed or turned into experiments.



we tried to escape through a ventilation grate. i don't know if we made it or not.

sept 3 06

kolin from the upstairs was a priest. i was hanging out with him, and he asked me if i wanted to do his sermon that night. i said "yeah, sure" before i thought about it. so the time rolls around, i was in jeans and a t-shirt and i realized i knew nothing about the bible / had nothing to say to these people. i started crying because i knew i just couldn't do it. i just imagined a church full of people sitting there waiting for a priest to come out, but no one would. but there was nothing i could do. i went down later, and kind of, snuck in the side door to see what had happened, and kolin was there and a girl was there playing the guitar, and he was talking to her in front of the congregation. it actually looked kind of fun, and i felt bad for making such a big scene. but he had found someone else, and didn't want me to do it after that because i was clearly crazy.

sept 1 06

i was with ian, we were waiting for a wedding to start. the groom hadn't shown up yet, and the wedding was going to start whenever he came. ian and i decided to go get something he'd forgotten in north sydney, and if we heard from the groom, we'd rush back over. so when we were in NS, of course the groom showed up. ian decided that to save time, he'd just drive straight across the harbour, over the thin, newly formed ice floes. all he had to do was drive really fast. we ended up underwater. somehow we were rescued by someone. i was very very angry with ian for recklessly endangering my life, and he was very indignant about my anger.

my favorite

august 9 06

i was in an attic, and came across a whole family of people who were supposed to have died long ago. they might have been ghosts, but i didn't know. they convinced me to let them fly the plane i was supposed to be flying. they seemed like they knew what they were doing. the mother crashed the plane into something big, maybe a bus. i was very upset and i started crying, because how could i explain to the police that i let a ghost fly my plane, and therefore it was the ghost, and not me, that was responsible for the deaths of all of those innocent people.

aug 4 06

i was losing all my hair. my forehead was expanding, and my part was widening. i was upset. then i was on a starship, something like the death star from star wars. everything was going fine, until the people i was with figured out the malicious nature of our invitation to the star ship - our hosts ate people.

all of the food we'd been served was either people or it was plants grown from nutrients gotten from human bodies. we started wandering around, trying to act normal, while looking out for ways to escape. i passed by a giant ballroom, now dark, and thought it would be a great place to hide later.

somehow we made it to the surface of a planet and tried to escape. huge boulders were being shot into the sky and then exploding, raining shrapnel down upon us. shane was hit in the shoulder by a piece of the shrapnel. he was hurt by it, but it didn't do any serious harm. the rock was heavy but malleable, the chunk that hit him had an impression of his arm, even the grain of the fabric of his shirt. it was like metal clay. they weren't trying to kill us right away, just trying to frighten us and bludgeon us slowly to death.

july 1 2006
melissa had a baby and it got stolen. and then i put together a puzzle shaped like a giant clock.

july 9 2006
i was imprisoned on an island. with the help of strange mole-people, i escaped. trying to hide in the scrubby underbrush while wearing a bright red shirt was really difficult. and i had no where to escape to, since it was an island. the mole people were nice, though.

glenn and the sloth

may 22 2006

i was at the store and there were hundreds of people coming in and going out, and because of this, we ran out of something. my co-worker was a grumpy old woman. we left the store, and went to sackville. by the time i got to sackville i was no longer gone to get something for the store, but i was with a school group. i said to myself "well, i know my way around sackville, i don't need to stay with the group." but i totally got lost.

it was a huge place, and i went the wrong way and ended up on this big hill that was a park. there was litter everywhere, and it was damp and gross. i kept going, and found myself near the outskirts of town. i ended up finding donnie's dorm room, jack and kevin were there too. they were drunk and unhelpful, they wouldn't tell me how to find the rest of my group. they laughed at me because i got lost, which made me even more upset. i finally got in touch with the rest of tom fun (who were the group i was looking for by this point), and they gave me all sorts of confusing directions ("we'll be somewhere between 1618 and 1623 something street").

i went where they told me, and found myself in narrow narrow alleyways between tall bricky buildings. i went into a narrow hallway and the doors inside had numbers on them like they ones the boys told me to find. it ended up being a funeral or memorial service for a famous artist, or writer, or musician, who i'd never really heard of. ian was really upset that the guy died. there were tons of hippies there, all sad because this person died. they were mad at me for being late.

july 4 2005

there was this creature. it was bred from lions and panthers but raised by ducks. it looked like a fish, but it was vicious. i was with dave, climbing on crazy moss covered rocks, just to the right of kings road. we were looking for these creatures, as the waves broke on the rocks and splashed us with salty water. whenever we found one, it bit us. the rocks were very slippery, we had to be careful not to slip too close to the vicious creatures or into the harbour.

later, i am in music class. i don't know my class schedule or what our assigned projects are. val m. is in my class. the inbreds are there to teach a class. they want people to play songs with them. i don't get a chance to play a song with them, but albert plays 3 songs with them from their first album. i missed most of it because i was frantically trying to find my schedule.

i was in an airport, or film school (not sure which). i need to use the washroom, but they're all trick washrooms with no stalls. just toilets out in the open. i can't use them (obviously) and no one will tell me where the real washrooms are. everyone thinks this is funny.

august 2004

i was at my friend keith's house in south bar. he has one of those yards that is just a large lawn surrounded by trees. we were in his backyard and there were lots of us, all of our friends, but the mood was very sombre. i knew something was about to happen, but i couldn't say what. then, just at a certain time, we all went out into the yard and looked up. the sun was out, but it didn't hurt our eyes to look straight at it. as we watched, black spots appeared on its surface. they grew and grew, and eventually covered the whole sun. the world was in twilight. we went back inside, to wait.

----------------------------

there were these guys who kept stealing cars and putting them into my driveway, thinking it was all a great joke, and i wouldn't have the guts to stand up to them. i started threatening them with the cops, and i wrote down all the license plates.

i kept having these flash-forwards, into an alternate earth, where everything was dark, and there was water on the ground. built up on the surface of the place where i was, there were pillars of wood, with a trellis horizontally laid across them, covered in plants, vines. it was dark and creepy.

i was back in the present tense, talking to some people, marvelling at how quickly the tendrils of this one plant were growing around an old tin can.

then i was in the alternate world again, at the very end of things,. i heard a voice. it was coming from the plant. well, it was coming from the one bit of plant that wasn't rotten or dead. the water was a murky purplish brown, with debris floating in it. an eerie female voice was saying "i didn't understand. it's my nature to do this. why did it kill me? i didn't know i would bring ruin on everything. i'm sorry". and i saw a clump of the plants flying through the air really slowly, and finally it went into the water to drown itself.

i realized that the plant had taken over the world, shut out all the light, and tried to do what it was naturally inclined to do - that is, order all things for its optimum growing conditions, and force the extinction of all other species. something went wrong, and the effects of the changes were irreversible, and all life on earth would end soon.

we (the remaining humans) wandered off in a random direction, to try and find something that would keep us going a little longer, to postpone the inevitable.