good ol' northend.

we were at the upstairs which was about 10 feet wider on all sides and more open as a space. there were several acoustic acts happening, i was to play later, so i was floating around early. there were less than 15 people around, and john rae & the river were playing between sets. i was singing outload instead of carrying on conversation with those around me. deanna and nicole were there, asking why i was still wearing this bracelet with the wrapping paper on it. i said that it was wrapping paper i had bought for jenna and when she gave me a bracelet, i didn't want to remove it. then jenna and morgan walked in holding another gift for me, wrapped in the same black-white polkadot paper.

morgan and i embraced and he told me he really cared about me as a friend and that i should not worry about anything. then he told me he had pizza for us and invited me to the back of the bar to eat it. we had one bite and i looked up to see who was talking and it was an older man with a handgun. he pointed it out the window and said, "it can do this, and this-" firing the gun twice, pointing it at me- "and this.." where i got shot in the collarbone and fell to the ground.

finally up to date

march 02, 07

i was participating in a contest at some sort of fair. it was night time. we were each standing in front of a crumbly concrete wall. there was something we had to figure out about the wall. i saw a dark patch on the concrete, and i poked my finger in, and it crumbled away because there was a small cavity behind the dark patch. inside the cavity was a tiny sickly frog or fish or something. so i won the contest because i found the sickly frog.

but before i realized what i was doing, i threw the sickly frog into the first bit of water i saw. i think i thought i was going to revive him, or set him free. there was a square hole, about a few feet wide, cut out of the concrete that was filled with water. big tubes were coming out of it going to the big heavy machinery, and the water was covered in a giant slick of oil and it was really hot and nearly boiling, and that is the water i happened to throw the sickly frog into.

i realized as the frog left my hands that i shouldn't throw him into the horrible hot polluted water, but i still had hope that he'd float to the surface so i could rescue him, i wouldn't care if i scalded my hands. but he didn't come up fast enough. after a while i knew the poor little frog was dead. everyone around me shook their heads in disgust, and the happiness i had from winning the contest turned into sadness and guilt. i kept thinking "what was i thinking? i wasn't thinking. what a stupid thing to do".