today was the day the final 2 crocodiles had arrived. a man brought them on the back of his truck in green plastic garbage bins.

my dad was keeping weird and dangerous animals in my garage. he had 2 boa constrictors, 4 crocodiles, a lion and a panther in my garage.

my dad kept getting me to come in the garage and admire his "pets" but naturally i was scared witless. i was constantly trying to tell him that if one of the snakes squeezed through a crack in the barn door and made off with a neighborhood child he'd be in big trouble, but he'd have none of it. not to mention that these animals couldn't possibly be in a pleasant state of mind, hanging out in a dark tiny barn all day avoiding the other dangerous animals.

but i went in to see because my dad insisted. i ended up in a compromising position, where the panther started stalking me around the barn, the faster i moved the more eagerly it followed me. i ended up having to flick the flashlight in my hand to distract it and get it to stop following me. i got out of the barn as quick as i could.

my main concern in all of this was my small dog. i was sure one of the snakes or crocs would eat her.

there were people looking for me. the police were involved. there was a reward for me, dead or alive. it was for something i didn't know would make me a fugitive, reading a book i wasn't supposed to read or something. the posted a sign on my front door, saying there was a 1000 dollar reward for catching me (it was a poor neighborhood). they didn't know i was still in the house, because every time they came, i hid in the top part of my closet. but one day about 50 people came in my house with rifles and they saw me in the closet and pointed them at me. the jig was up.

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i was at an amusement park with my grandmother. i was wondering what ride she could go on that wouldn't be to scary for her. i figured i shouldn't take her on any, because she was really old and senile.

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we drove through a town. we were looking for a certain building. the first part of the town was crowded with shitty looking houses but we didn't see any people. as we were nearing the normal part of town, we saw two people lying on the ground, right next to the road. they were dead. there was a baby nearby. i tried to call 911 but the call wouldn't go through. i tried to call 411 to find out the emergency number, but they told us a cult leader had instructed the cult members to kill themselves the night before. we wondered if we should take the baby with us.

i walked through a town and into the giant boat. it was like a coast guard boat. they said we had to pick a bunk before lights out, but the one i went into had two strangers in it so i went out, and the lights went out. i couldn't find anyone.

i started cutting my hair in the bathroom using a knife. it was an insanely sharp knife, it cut through the hair so easy. i walked out all proud of myself and i said to someone "look! i cut my own hair, with a knife." and they said "yeah, i can tell. it looks gross."

i was heartbroken.

i killed 6 people, but they caught me. jian gomeshi was doing the lie detector test. i thought i might be able to get away with it, since no one actually suspected me. we were near mt. sinai. i wondered if a priest could forgive me, or if he'd just call the cops and tell them what i had done.

this crazy cougar-ish lady kept showing up at the office. she was the most obnoxious person i had ever come across before in my life, and she refused to leave. i finally figured out she was only coming to the office to steal music paraphernalia (there was a guy who worked there who collected old rock and roll stuff).

i called the police on her, but they were on vacation. they would only come out if the situation was threatening to someone's life. they listened to me bemusedly and then asked "and does this sound to you as if someone's life is in danger? well, then you can figure it out for yourself." i was filled with frustration. i saw her grab a bunch of lanyard festival passes off of the wall of an office.

i wanted to punch her in the face, but she was a wiry old cougar. i had plans of blowing up the office building just so i could kill her.

something about a big old rambling house, and a fun mission we were about to embark on outside in the cold crisp air. i was singing celine dion's song from titanic and "one fine day" by mariah carey and boyz 2 men as a lark. it was really fun and lighthearted.

i went to see a crazy concert in a giant building. randy curnew from c'mon was there with some of his crazy friends. i was just about to leave when i saw mike o set up to play. i went and sat as close to the front as i possibly could. i accidentally unplugged his monitor. i was embarrassed at myself for acting so familiar, when in fact we'd only barely met. but it was all ok when he started playing one of my songs in his own awesome style. i felt like i was floating above the ground.

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the band was playing in china. ian told me carmen was going to come and sing with us, so i decided to quit the band and go travelling in japan. morgan walked me to the airport. i realized when i got to the airport that i didn't have my passport with me. i was going to sit there and wait until they made me a new one.

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i thought i might be pregnant. i kept throwing up in the bushes. but the pregnancy test was too vague, it was like "light purple if you're pregnant, dark purple if you're not". i couldn't tell if it was light or dark purple. i thought it was a pretty stupid test.

my mom and i stood on the beach, watching the big waves break. i loved the moment when they curled over and turned white, and the perfect arc broke into foamy clouds. we waded out, felt the strong push as they hit our stomachs, and the pull on our legs, sinking our feet into the sand.

the waves kept growing bigger and bigger, almost knocking us over, so we walked closer and closer to shore. soon the waves were taller than a person, and we were intimidated. they rose up, and cast long shadows on the shore.

the first one to go was christina from grey's anatomy. she was standing on a car in the middle of the beach. she was the only one out so far. she thought she was tough, thought she would dare the waves, but she wasn't looking behind her. she didn't see how high it towered up. it was as big as a house. it had a frightening power. like a solid wall. it moved so quickly toward her, we didn't even see her disappear. we knew she'd get caught in the swirling undertow.

the next wave came from very far away. all of the water sucked back from the beach. it soared up into the sky, higher than a skyscraper, blocking out the sunlight.
my mom and i started to run, we had to get off the beach onto higher ground. i was trying to figure out where to go, would the buildings fall down? should we try to go on a roof? on foot there were not too many options of escape.

even with this terrifying wave, i scanned the top, needing to see the moment it turned white and started to break.

we had a bit of time, so we were rifling through our belongings in our dresser. i tried to put on as many layers of clothing as i could. i knew this place would be under water if i ever came back. my dad put on his raingear, and i put on thermal socks. it was freezing.

i was on the road, somewhere, and i found that someone had read my journal. they left a little note in it, i didn't recognize the handwriting. it wasn't such a big deal, because there was nothing in it, but the fact they did it and were so mean about it was totally unnerving. i was too upset to do anything, so i asked albert to drive me home. morgan was in the car too, and he and jenna found what happened really funny. it broke my heart, and i felt sick to my stomach. we stopped at a light and melissa was outside of the car, leaning in and asking albert if he had a cigarette lighter. she smiled at me mockingly.

when i got home, i thought i would hide my journal away, planned to lock it in a locked box. but when i got home, i found that the box was open, and all my other journals were scattered about, and the lock was missing. that was insane, this person broke into my house to get to my stuff. i looked in the diaries, and there were notes for me there too, detailing horrible things i've done, calling me a horrible person, saying i deserved to be miserable. just brutal stuff. they even started to get more violent and threatening.

it was a terrible nightmare.

i was going to jam with mike o'neill at his house, which was on taylor street. which was for some reason really long. we drove up and down the street, unable to find his house, even though i'd been there before. finally, i saw him in the window. all the houses looked exactly the same except one, which was white with faint purple speckles, or polka dots, and of course this was the one he lived in.

when i got there i brought way too much gear inside, 2 guitars, 2 amps, and i accidentally brought the left-handed banjo in with me. there was a party going on downstairs, but we were going to jam up the stairs and on the landing in front of the second floor.

mike came down to the living room as i was bringing some more stuff in, and said he wasn't able to jam after all, but that i should enjoy the party. some people were playing guitars, one guy played a song that jack macintosh had written. it had beautiful chords and weird lyrics. i realized that lachie was there, and i was so excited. he had gotten a haircut, and was totally clean shaven and looked really young. he was there with rachael gurstein. i asked lachie if we could jam, and he said he didn't know any of my songs, but i had meant we should jam horses songs.

henry from the show ugly betty was there with his girlfriend. she was this pig nosed lady who always comes in my store to buy papers while reeking of pot. she didn't like me at all, every time i would knock something over or something like that she would yell out "alicia's knocking over your things on purpose. everyone keep an eye on her, she's up to no good!"

later henry and i were watching a movie in my spare room, and i realized he had put his hand in my sweater pocket, so we were holding hands through my sweater.
and that was the end.

i was making myself some toast when i noticed right next to the toaster a package of toast-flavored french fries.

we were at a restaurant, and for some reason i ordered a hot dog, on a subway bun with just mayonnaise (and lots of it.) it was one of the grossest things i had ever tasted.
i also stole a plane.

a terrifying nightmare:

something had broken into the house and ripped open my friend's mom's body. i walked in and she was white, her stomach was gaping, blood spattered all over the room. i was paralyzed with fear, unable to breathe.

at first i thought it was some kind of paranormal beast or spirit. that is the kind of thing i can't deal with.

but later i realized there had been a strange cube shaped object in the room. the same object that was now in the room with the three of us. we figured out that it could give off high pitched frequencies that were capable of doing any number of bad things to a person. as we talked it over, looking fearfully at the object, a switch flipped over and it started to tick.

i ran for the door, followed by the other two. after i crossed the threshold, they stopped running after me. i was sure they knew how important it was to get as far away from this thing as possible. i looked back to urge them to hurry, and they were not in the room, and there was no other exit besides the door i was standing in front of. i felt like i was going to throw up.

first, there were a bunch of people in my backyard, performing some sort of ceremony. i don't know what it was, but it reeked of reality tv. all i remember is holding hands and kissing someone. his hands and lips were very dry, and it was awkward but i really liked him.

then we were traveling home from somewhere not that far away. we really needed to stop for a bathroom break so we did. for some reason you had to walk through a great big mall to get to the gas station with the bathrooms. the mall seemed to go on forever, it was all hippy textile stores with hand made hats and things. sidney was there and she was so excited because of all of the wool stores.
finally we got through to the other side, and we noticed right away that there was a lineup of like 100 people waiting to get in to the gas station, because all of the bathrooms were broken except one. notwithstanding how disgusting that one bathroom would be by the time we reached it, we just couldn't wait that long.

we went across the street to see if a different store had a b-room. it didn't look too promising. but then a big fat local asshole who was sitting there started insulting me. i was in such a bad mood i started screaming right back at him, and before you know it, it was a full blown physical fight. all of my punches and kicks were less forceful than i expected them to be, but i still think i managed to hold my own. all i wanted in life was to hurt this guy.
after the fight he and his two friends came over with their pants down, and acting all macho, said "see this honey?" and i said "NO, I CAN'T ACTUALLY, YOU'RE TOO FAT!" and then they went away. haha.

we ended up in the shop, which was selling food, and i couldn't hear at all out of one ear, because he had punched me. i could feel blood trickling down my ear, but i covered it up with my hair because i felt cool from being in a fight and didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me.
in the store, waiting for the food to be ready, i was sitting next to the boy again from the first part, and he awkwardly and slowly took my hand again. it felt just the same - very dry. but then he turned into someone else, and he made a comment about how MY hands are dry, but he was going to get some of this awesome hand cream and make them very soft.

if we went to level 7 of the parking garage, it was an archaeological site. set up like a mine. we got in trouble because when everyone goes in the parking garage they have to sign in, and we didn't sign out because we were sneaking onto level 7 so people thought we had disappeared.

a new sport was happening in certain places in the world. it was called 'rolling'. certain beaches had rock structures under water that affected huge waves in a certain way. once the waves formed a tunnel, they sucked underwater and created an inverse wave. people were surfing in these incredibly dangerous phenomena.
i was telling someone about it on my cell phone, while driving along the crest of a wave in an SUV (as long as you drive really fast, the waves were so compact you could drive on them. you just had to be careful not to fall in the hole).

later, the band was staying in a cabin-like hotel. we were too loud so someone called the cops. darren and albert went outside to deal with it.
then we were in a mall, and we saw a book about what had happened written by a french guest of the hotel. it was typed out in a french accent, like "zen we were in zee 'otel". it told the story about the female cop beating darren up outside of the hotel. i couldn't believe someone could make a book and have it on the shelves in like 2 weeks.

we were playing at a big festival.

i was with shane selling t-shirts in this little shack.

after a while, i realized i could hear the band playing. as i went on stage i tried to pretend i was late getting there on purpose, for effect, but i could tell they were sort of pissed at me. (no one came to tell me we were playing. they all knew i was selling t-shirts)

the show was pretty terrible, we were getting cut off way too early. the next band was on the stage as we were playing, setting up their stuff. one guy walked by me and i yelled at him to get off the stage because i thought it was darryl. but it was actually the drummer for the other band. i was embarrassed but i don't know why.

for some reason it was so quiet on the stage that i could hear people talking, so i told the guy i thought he looked like darryl.

then i walked over to the opposite end of the stage to say something to the sound guy, and when i was done i walked back out to my spot, but then i realized no one was on the stage. they were all clumped together on either side, and darcy was on stage dancing with his shirt off. it was awkward, but i pretended i did it on purpose again.

as the set ended, rory came up to me and patted my knee, saying "that was a very brave and stupid thing to do" and then he walked away.

i was in purgatory?

people who were in a hurry in life fell into quicksand and couldn't get anywhere fast.
people who were evil turned into blank shells like zombies.
some people went in and their lives were pretty much the same, except they had to walk 50 miles to be closer to the people in their families, if they wanted to see them.
i was paddling around in the quicksand, but my paddle had no traction, it was almost smooth. very ineffective. still, i used it to swim out and save my friend who didn't even have a paddle. i found all the punishments to be ironic and very fitting.

i had grown a thick, black mustache.
i also had no money.

so i was going around to various spas seeing what their rates were like for waxing a mustache. everything was too expensive.

one of the places i went to was a crazy 10 star hotel. i ended up wandering into a room with all kinds of liqueurs hanging up on the walls. on a table in the middle there was a book with all the prices in it. like, if you wanted an extra knife or fork sent to your room, it was $4. i thought about how rich the guests must be to afford crazy things like that.

as i was leaving the room (obviously the mustache waxing was WAY too expensive), i bumped into something and one of the bottles of alcohol poured a shot into a glass automatically. a worker walked in and said i would have to pay for it. i decided to make it a double. it was called courvoisier. i had to pay the girl $16, but it was quite yummy and worth it. i brought it into the lobby to let my friends taste it.

someone kept leaving things in my trunk. in cardboard boxes, with little notes on them. just little things, but it gave me the creeps that someone was around leaving random objects in my trunk. how did they get in there? there were several of us, and there would be a note for each of us. one day i went and opened my trunk, and there were two giant boxes in the trunk. these boxes said they were especially for me. my stomach turned as i lifted the flap of one, and saw the top of a person's head. i knew that there was a person's body in the other box too. at first, i was sure the person stalking us was a random stranger, but i began to panic more and more as i realized i couldn't trust any of my three friends, the two girls or the boy.