he told me that they had broken up. it was because we had kissed. and he told her. i don't know when the kiss was, i thought we hadn't seen each other in a while.
he was sad that they broke up. he told me that he had to work through his feelings.
but i knew that eventually we would be together. that's what this meant.
a surge of giddiness welled up inside me. peace and impatience somehow coincided.
he showed me on a map the place he wanted to go. i think it was in south america. venezuela. some wooden huts along a muddy road. but kind of like a resort. i decided to look it up and make it happen. i'd take him on the trip.
he came to visit. i wanted to tell him about the trip, i showed him the place on the map and the different places we could stay. he wasn't super interested in the trip, though, i think he just wanted to make sure we were ok. he was wearing a navy hoodie.
we were walking along the water. he hugged me close, held me for a long moment. i could feel his breath on my neck. it was so close and so comfortable. i was so happy i felt like crying. it was the promise of what was to come. it was the way it was supposed to be.
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i was in a room with a bunch of people. they were a large french family. i was away from home, dependent on this family to take me in and feed me. at first everything was good. i was introduced to a dark-haired woman. she said "oh, we've met already" with a fake smile. i could see some meanness behind her eyes. but she was being polite enough for the moment. as time went on some of the family members became annoyed with me. everything i said seemed to piss someone off. a few people, most noticeably an old guy, seemed to still be nice. he was the patriarch of the family. he caught my eye as if to tell me not to worry. but i was worried.
eventually, the dark-haired woman just came out and told me to leave. she said "you even forgot who i was after we had been introduced". i looked at the old guy, certain that he'd tell me to ignore her, but he motioned that there was nothing he could do and that i did in fact have to leave. i was trying to get my shoes on, but i wasn't going fast enough. some of them were getting nasty, jeering at me, cursing at me, yelling at me to leave. tears started streaming down my face, i tried to stick up for myself, but i couldn't make any coherent sentences to defend myself.
when i woke up i actually did have tears streaming down my face.
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i went to a restaurant. my cousin's wife, karen, was the server. it was such a nice surprise to see her there. i paid for my meal and went into the outer foyer type area.
all of a sudden, karen was there again. she said "oh hey, i noticed you didn't leave me a tip". i said i didn't think i had to leave her a tip because she was my cousin. and also i felt it would be weird to give my cousin money like that. i thought she'd find it weird too. also since i was broke i figured she'd be kind enough not to expect a tip from me. i know i wouldn't if i was in her shoes.
but she said that i should leave her an extra tip because we were related, and that i was being extremely rude. she was making a huge scene in front of my friends. i thought it would be even weirder to just take money out of my pocket to give her, almost lthe same feeling i'd get if she came to my house and demanded i give her 10 bucks. i felt more awkward than i ever did before.
