i went to london, ontario to visit my cousin. london was huge and filled with futuristic skyscrapers. but when i got there it was past dark, so when my cousin picked me up, and we had to walk to his place, we had to stop at the sherriff's house and get a special permit which meant we wouldn't get fined if we looked anyone in the eye. the sherriff was skeptical as to why we would want to look anyone in the eye, but i told him that on the east coast we do it all the time. the sherriff had a southern accent.

there was an electronic billboard at an intersection by a big church. it would flash messages at you from the church about all the sins in the world, by telling you what the driver of the car opposite you may have been thinking. they actually ended up being kind of perverted and graphic, and you wondered if the church people who made them up were just trying to live a little. some of the less perverted ones went like "he is thinking homosexual thoughts right now... ABOUT YOU" or "he wants to have sex with your teenage daughter" or "if he can find a way not to get caught, he will steal all your money".

then i was at a ct show... there was a "dance-off", in which shane went down into the crowd while playing and handed out free movie passes. i was wearing jeans and a bikini top and a cat in the hat hat. shane did not give me a movie pass.

wait, aren't you dead?

i was at my mom's parents house. only my family was there. the phone had rang, and when i went in the other room to pick it up, i realized that my grandfather had answered it and was talking to his sister. i wanted to hang up as to not be rude but i waited until i heard his voice again and then clumsily hung it up.

me and ian and a few other people were in a room with a 400 pound lady. she was so fat she couldn't get out of bed. she kept rolling around, and anyone on the bed would be sucked into the dent she made. she kept ordering us around, telling us to do things for her because she couldn't get out of bed. she wanted us to call a 1-900 number for her, it was a psychic hotline. apparently she was really rich. we couldn't believe it, we watched on her cell phone as the charges for the call grew and grew. as we left we talked about how we couldn't believe they could charge $3 a second for a psychic call. then we walked past a waterslide.

i was at a giant carnival. it was outside of a hotel. there was a giant production going on. they were singing songs from disney movies, dressed up in elaborate costumes. then they broke into "thriller" by michael jackson. they did the thriller dance out into the street and stopped traffic. i was amused that no one got upset with them, because they did the same production every hour. there was a black man in a sparkly suit singing, and there were three girl backup singers, whose hair was in a giant pineapple shape. i've never seen such big hair before. someone told me that one of the girls used to play bass for the smashing pumpkins. her name was d'arcy.

a small island with a rocky beach. komodo dragons were in the water, they started attacking people, and they ate a child. we knew that they would soon move onto the land.

more music upon the pillow

incredible dream.

hightlights:
giant music festival/conference
the hidden cameras being a 3 piece band with bad songs and professional actors playing out ridiculous skits in between songs ("i play with myself. i played with myself in the very seat you are sitting in earlier!")
deanna and nicole seated on bleachers
deanna agressively and repeatedly removing a naked guy's towel which was covering only his bird in front of hundreds of people
a band that was singing songs that were pretty much written for you, me rushing back to the hidden cameras to find you and tell you that your dream band is playing to no one on a platform hundreds of feet away
everyone squishing together on the bench (like when you make a sharp turn in a backseat) and laughing

we were in a hotel. we met a girl who was planning on sleeping outside. i didn't want to break it to her that is was minus 27 out. we were playing acoustic guitars in the lobby. me and melanie and albert were singing sarah harmer songs with 3 part harmony. i was really tired. i wanted to go to sleep. i went in the room we were in before, but the shaky deals were in there sleeping, and all the beds were full. then i went in another room, and every member of tf was crammed in there. there was defintely no room for anyone else. i was really upset. i tried to sleep in some tiny corner of the floor. when the sun finally rose, i went and looked in the other room. melanie ashleee andrew and jack were in there, sleeping very comfortably. i was super pissed off. i called them idiots and got in a screaming fight with andrew. he was like "just suck it up" and i said that the rooms were paid for by the band. then we went looking for food, and darren took us through the sketchiest streets for like a million blocks. he was way ahead of us, and we could barely see him. finally we caught up to him at a building by the water, with a tiny little narrow walkway. we were trying to squeeze ourselves onto the walkway when he showed up from the other side and said he and ian had already eaten and there was no more food here.

me and my two ex boyfriends were drinking in my barn. they kept accidentally setting little fires to things with their cigarette butts and i was freaking out because we weren't supposed to be in the barn at all. another girl was suddenly there and she wanted to barbequeue veggie hot dogs, but i was afraid it would start another fire. i made the boys empty out all the cans with cigarette butts in them so we wouldn't get found out.

then albert showed up and suggested all sorts of things i could do to my guitar to protect the finish, like rub it gently with a baseball bat, or take a capful of tea or alcohol and rub it into the wood. i decided i would try all of those things.

we drove very slowly down the middle of the road because there were people walking in the middle of each lane. then i was in a hotel room in a party and a doctor guy was handing out envelopes to each person. he knew who i was though and started talking about my band, and the people who were next in line were getting really impatient. but i told him about the band playing at the lord nelson and the delta at the ecmas and he left the lineup to go get a pen to write down my contact information. the people in the lineup were pissed.

good ol' northend.

we were at the upstairs which was about 10 feet wider on all sides and more open as a space. there were several acoustic acts happening, i was to play later, so i was floating around early. there were less than 15 people around, and john rae & the river were playing between sets. i was singing outload instead of carrying on conversation with those around me. deanna and nicole were there, asking why i was still wearing this bracelet with the wrapping paper on it. i said that it was wrapping paper i had bought for jenna and when she gave me a bracelet, i didn't want to remove it. then jenna and morgan walked in holding another gift for me, wrapped in the same black-white polkadot paper.

morgan and i embraced and he told me he really cared about me as a friend and that i should not worry about anything. then he told me he had pizza for us and invited me to the back of the bar to eat it. we had one bite and i looked up to see who was talking and it was an older man with a handgun. he pointed it out the window and said, "it can do this, and this-" firing the gun twice, pointing it at me- "and this.." where i got shot in the collarbone and fell to the ground.

finally up to date

march 02, 07

i was participating in a contest at some sort of fair. it was night time. we were each standing in front of a crumbly concrete wall. there was something we had to figure out about the wall. i saw a dark patch on the concrete, and i poked my finger in, and it crumbled away because there was a small cavity behind the dark patch. inside the cavity was a tiny sickly frog or fish or something. so i won the contest because i found the sickly frog.

but before i realized what i was doing, i threw the sickly frog into the first bit of water i saw. i think i thought i was going to revive him, or set him free. there was a square hole, about a few feet wide, cut out of the concrete that was filled with water. big tubes were coming out of it going to the big heavy machinery, and the water was covered in a giant slick of oil and it was really hot and nearly boiling, and that is the water i happened to throw the sickly frog into.

i realized as the frog left my hands that i shouldn't throw him into the horrible hot polluted water, but i still had hope that he'd float to the surface so i could rescue him, i wouldn't care if i scalded my hands. but he didn't come up fast enough. after a while i knew the poor little frog was dead. everyone around me shook their heads in disgust, and the happiness i had from winning the contest turned into sadness and guilt. i kept thinking "what was i thinking? i wasn't thinking. what a stupid thing to do".

bliss

i had a beautiful baby girl.

feb 25 07

zach was jamming with bonnie tyler.


feb 27 07

i won an ecma, and the next day i won a grammy. andrea c. presented the award. all i said both times at the podium was "thank you". i was really excited about the grammy, my mom and dad came down for it and everything. then i realized that the grammys were only for east coast artists, just like the ecmas, so it was pretty much the same thing. i took my mom to all the parties anyway, but they were all deserted, everyone was tired out from the ecmas.


feb 28 07

someone was trying to kill me, but they failed. later i was still upset about it, so that i ran into a guy who was wanted for beating women and i stabbed him in the heart. it went from being in a castle to being at the dump. i was wracked with guilt.

feb 22 07

we were playing a show somewhere, we decided to let everyone we knew join the band. including dylan m. the bus was piled high with extra stuff, like bags and mattresses. when we got to the place we all had to wait hours to get a shower because there were so many of us.

this boy and i had kissed and then we hung out for a while. i thought i was doing really good, but i guess he thought that i was too uptight (when in fact i was just nervous), and decided he didn't want to hang out with me. i sort of accepted that, but i was still a little hopeful. it ended when i walked into a room, and i looked around for a seat, and there weren't very many seats, because of how many people were there. there was a seat by albert, but he was on his computer. he said he was about to leave, but i saw another seat that looked more comfy, and i went and sat there and the boy i kissed was sitting there with someone, and he actually got mad and was like "this is way too crowded, can't you sit somewhere else?".

i went into another room to get ready to play a solo set. i wasn't sure if i remembered the words. i was humming and then the sound guy came up and started playing the chords. i had never seen him before, but he said he did sound for me before and totally loved it and remembered everything about it. he was hitting on me pretty big time.

i had to go get a shower. i was pretty sure there was no one in there so i made my way by high speed train to the stage, which is where the shower was set up. or at least it was in a big room with sliding doors with a drum kit behind it. devon was there, sitting at the drum kit, but i figured i could get him to leave if i was going to get a shower. a different boy showed up and every time i would take off my shoes or socks, he would do it too. i think he thought he was getting in the shower with me. however, we looked in the shower and sidney was in there, which is why devon was guarding her. sidney got mad at devon for letting us look in the shower.

then devon said "did you hear the news? carmen went crazy and shot j. barber, and anyone who was wearing pink". where she got a gun, i don't know. we went to find her, and she was crouched on an indoor train track. a tiny train came super fast and hit her legs, but she wasn't hurt other than that. we watched as the cops came and escorted her away. then shane almost got hit by the same train.

feb 20 07

there was a small black cloud hanging outside my door. you could barely see it, yet it was very distinctive. something kept happening to us, we'd lose track of time and of reality. it was frightening. we saw small patches of green mould forming on things, and when we were able to think clearly, we realized that this was the black cloud condensing on surfaces. we realized that this mould was what was making us lose our minds. we tried to scrape it off without touching it, but it kept forming faster than we could get rid of it.